Operation: Humbug
by Mitch82
Summary: *Slash* *CLex* Lex receives a gift from a Secret Santa. He tries to figure out who sent it while Clark tries to teach him the meaning of Christmas.
1. Prologue

Author: Mitch

Title: Operation: Humbug

Series: Prologue

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Clark/Lex

Spoilers: None that I can think of. If you find any, I'm sure they're vague.

Feedback: Let me know if I should post further chapters! Oh, who am I kidding? I'll post them whether you like it or not. Bwahahahaha!

Author's Note: This is in response to the Ditch the Logical Christmas challenge, which you can find here: http://www.ditchthelogical.com/contest2.htm It was going to be a one shot story, but before I knew it, I had eight pages and I hadn't even written Clark into the plot yet! Plus, it's always fun to make everyone wait for the good stuff. :evil grin:

**********

December 7, 2002 

3:00PM

Exhausted beyond the point of lunacy, aching in places previously undiscovered by man, and ready to drop kick a little thing called "The Holidays", Lex continued to dig through the stack of mail on his desk.

It was only 3:00 in the afternoon and he felt like it was midnight. Normally, he would push a trivial task like opening mail onto an assistant. But not now, not during The Holidays.

__

'Tis the fucking season, he thought.

Every year around the end of November, his desk started to disappear inch by inch, buried in envelopes and small packages, Christmas cards and homemade treats from the wives of business associates who cared even less about him than he did about them. The problem was, The Holidays were also his busiest time of year for valid, legitimate business letters, important enough for Lex to have to look at himself. Those corporate goons talked tough, but every year they worked themselves into a frenzy trying to finish early so they could spend a nice quiet Christmas with the wife and kids.

But again, Lex didn't care much for The Holidays. In fact, thanks to these bastards, he _hated _The Holidays, so opening envelopes from now until 4:00 AM on New Year's Day was not an impossibility.

At the moment, however, his eyes felt like jelly and his lower back was in flames. Tossing what had to be the fiftieth Anne Geddes card into the already overflowing waste basket, he put his head down on the desk and took a deep breath of peppermint and stale gingerbread.

As he lifted his arms to the desk to pillow his stress-wrinkled forehead, the stack of envelopes shifted, sending a few of them fluttering to the ground. But he felt the first intoxicating licks of desperately needed sleep and decided to worry about them later, after he rested his eyes. About two seconds into his rest, he heard a soft thump as a package fell onto the floor on the other side of the desk.

Curious, he got up to see what it was. Against the cool marble of the floor, he saw a small nondescript box wrapped in brown paper with nothing but his own name and address typed onto the side. It was the very essence of a 'plain package.'

__

I don't remember ordering any porn, he thought with a smirk.

He knelt down to pick it up and with a seize of his back ended up flat on his ass.

Undaunted, he pulled the small box into his lap and started to unwrap it, almost positive it was another assortment of cookies or fudge squares with less flavor than the cardboard enclosing them. But he was intrigued enough to at least open it before throwing it away.

Inside the brown paper was a red box, just as plain except for a short message written in gold ink: "A little something to brighten up that cold and lonely dungeon of yours."

More than a little confused, he opened the box, where he found a picture frame. But not just any picture frame.

It was 8 x 10 inches of expertly cut wood. A few curves here, a few dips there, and Christmas tree outlines cut all the way through the corners. All around the frame were hand-painted candy canes, gingerbread men, stars, Santas, and just about every other seasonal icon in existence, backed by a foundation of festive green.

But in spite of the striking detail and excellent craftsmanship, what Lex couldn't take his eyes away from was what the frame held. In the place of a picture was a black piece of paper with another gold message: "Love, Your Secret Santa."

"You've got to be shitting me," he said aloud.


	2. Part 1

Author: Mitch

Title: Operation: Humbug

Series: Part 1

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Clark/Lex

Spoilers: One for Nicodemus that is so vague I'm not even sure why I'm mentioning it.

Feedback: 'Tis the _****_ing season, as Lex would say. Give me the gift of validation. :)

**********

December 7, 2002

4:30PM

Lana looked up from her seat behind the bar as Lex entered the Talon in a flash of bright light and black trench coat. Shielding her eyes form the sun's reflection on the snow outside, she called out to him.

"Lex? I thought you were busy this month."

"I decided to take a coffee break," he replied, seating himself at a barstool.

"But I thought you were 'busier than busy has every been,'" Lana pushed.

"I made time," he stated.

"Something along the lines of 'If you have an emergency, call Clark, call Nell, call on the Devil himself if you have to, as long as it's not me, because I'll be too b--'"

"I'll ask you to keep in mind, Lana, that I am still a partner in the business. Now you can either stop making fun of me and pour me a cup of coffee, or try and talk it out with the guy operating the wrecking ball. And I'll tell you up front, he's hard of hearing."

Lana smiled innocently. "Just so we're clear, boss."

Lex squinted in return and she poured his coffee. Then she returned to her own seat and looked at him for a moment.

"To tell you the truth, I'm glad you came out," she said. "Being locked up in that lonely old mansion for days on end can't be good for you."

Lex perked up at this. "What do you know about my lonely old mansion?"

"The words cold and desolate come to mind. I'm guessing you don't even have any Christmas decorations up."

"As a matter of fact I don't," he said, leaning in conspiratorially. "I wish I had... a little something to brighten up the place."

Lana lifted her eyebrows. "Yeah. You'll have to get on that," she said, confused.

Is it her? Lex thought. _Seems like something she would do. But why the secrecy? Unless she has feelings for me..._

Lex shivered at the thought and decided to let it go. Lana was a nice enough girl, but not even close to what he was looking for. Besides the fact that the one he _was _looking for was too busy looking for _Lana _to acknowledge anyone else's existence.

It was on this joyous note that the little bells hanging from the door jingled again as Chloe entered with Pete in tow. Chloe's face lit up when she saw Lex.

"Hey, Lex! Welcome back to the world of the living!"

"Chloe, it's only been a week."

"And that's an abnormally large amount of time for your name to stay out of the papers. I hate to say it, Lex, but I think you're losing your edge."

Lex smiled good-naturedly as he became even more confused. Had Chloe always been this friendly? Maybe she was the one who sent the gift. She seemed to fit the role of a secret admirer a little better than Lana. But then again, maybe he was just projecting. Everyone was a little friendlier around the holidays.

Pete sat at the stool next to him and slapped him on the back. "Hey, man. I'm glad you're here."

"Huh?" Lex gaped at Pete in disbelief. _Oh, God no._

"I mean, not that I don't enjoy the extra time with Clark, but I think he's going into withdrawals."

"Excuse me?"

"'Lex this' and 'Lex that' and 'Lex always says' and 'one time, me and Lex.'" Pete laughed. "He's like a lost puppy."

Lex's insides melted as he tried to stifle the heat that was creeping up his cheeks. He got a visual of Clark on his hands and knees, sticking out his tongue and panting like a puppy, and the heat in his face quickly traveled elsewhere, startling him out of his reflection.

He blinked at Pete, who was still looking at him warmly, waiting for a response.

Why the hell is he being so nice to me?

"Pete, don't take this the wrong way. But you haven't been sneezed on by any exotic flowers recently, have you?"

Pete chuckled. "Come on , Lex, it's Christmas. And I decided that if Clark trusts you, I can trust you. You're not responsible for your father's actions."

He slapped Lex on the back again, and just as Lex was about to choke on his own tongue, he noticed Pete's other hand next to Chloe's, their pinkies loosely linked. Suddenly it all fell into place. Pete hadn't turned over a new leaf at all. He was just seeing the world, and Lex, through Chloe-tinted lenses. Or more appropriately, he was ass-over-teakettle in lust.

Well, that was all fine and dandy, but it didn't help Lex. Lana didn't send him the gift. Neither did Chloe and thankfully, neither did Pete. Who else was there? His list of friends in Smallville wasn't exactly lengthy.

He was distantly aware of another round of jingling bells and then he heard Lana say, "Oh, hi, Clark."

Feeling his ears begin to burn, Lex turned slowly to the door where Clark was coming in, his face hidden by the stack of small boxes he was carrying.

"Where do you want the pies?" he asked.

"Behind the bar is fine. I'll put them away in a minute."

Clark walked toward the bar, his sense of direction astounding, considering the visual obstruction.

"Hey, Lex!" he intoned, his voice suddenly filled with excitement.

Lex, still unable to see Clark's face, froze with his coffee cup halfway to his mouth. Clark put the boxes down behind the bar and popped back up, eyes twinkling with a smile more blinding than the snow.

"Clark, how did you know I was here?"

Clark's eyes shifted almost imperceptibly and his smile brightened. "Your cologne. I'd recognize that $200 toilet water anywhere."

Lex exhaled in mock annoyance. "_Eau de toilette_, Clark." 

"Ooh, pretty." Clark's twinkling didn't weaken a single watt and Lex wondered how long he could look at it before completely losing his sight. Not that having such an image burned onto his retinas for all eternity would be such a bad thing.

But presently, Clark had broken eye contact to join Lex at the front of the bar, taking the stool to his right. Pete and Chloe returned to their own googly-eyed dimension, and Lana got to work putting away the pies.

"Merry Christmas, Lex," Clark said, and Lex would have bet his life that he had never heard that tired phrase offered with such sincerity. 

"Humbug," Lex replied, quickly covering his smile with a sip of his coffee.

"Oh, right. I forgot. You're too busy skinny-dipping in your money bin to celebrate Christmas. Isn't that right, Ebenezer?"

"Clark, even _I _have enough knowledge of pop culture to know that Scrooge McDuck was the one with the money bin, not Ebenezer Scrooge. And secondly, what makes you think I swim naked?" Clark's jaw dropped.

Score on for Luthor, Lex thought as his statement put a halt to Clark's teasing. Temporarily anyway.

"So what are you doing for Christmas, Uncle Scrooge?"

"Actually, Clark, I'll be doing the same thing I did last year, the same thing I should be doing right now, which is going through the hordes of unopened mail on my desk. So if you'll excuse me..." Lex got up to leave, and Clark's demeanor jumped from playful to urgent in about 0.2 seconds.

"Lex, wait!" He grabbed Lex's arm, perhaps more firmly than intended. But Lex wasn't hurt. Only startled.

"Clark?"

"I haven't seen you all month."

"And so far, this month has consisted of seven days. It's not like I've abandoned you."

Clark shrugged. "I know, but still. A week is a long time for us."

"Clark, I'm sorry. But--"

"Please?" Clark grabbed his arm again, this time squeezing gently. "Can we please just hang out for a little while?"

The warm pressure on his bicep and the dark pleading eyes in front of him were too much. Lex caved.

"Fine. But just a few hours, Clark. I mean it."

"Great!" Clark jumped off his stool and advanced like he was going to hug Lex in his excitement. He stopped himself, however, and put one arm around Lex instead, leading him to the door. "You can come with me to make my next delivery."

"Where's that?" Lex asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You'll see." Clark flashed a mischievous smile, and Lex found, as he seldom did with anyone but Clark, that he didn't mind putting himself in someone else's hands.

That was the thing about Clark Kent. Not only could he make you cancel a prior engagement to fly by the seat of your pants to some unknown destination, but he could make you happy to do it. Shirking responsibility with a smile on your face and a spring in your step. And it was almost like Clark wasn't aware of the power he possessed.

Well, that's not entirely true, Lex thought. _I think Clark is very well aware that he isn't like other teenage boys._

But he did his best to put his suspicions aside. Clark would tell Lex the truth about that when he was ready. Hopefully.

**********

Clark parked the pickup truck and turned to Lex, as if waiting for his blank expression to be quickly replaced by one of complete understanding. It wasn't. In fact, it became even more blank if that was possible.

"The Smallville Community Center?"

"Yup," Clark answered, smiling.

"You're making a delivery to the Smallville Community Center?"

"Yup," Clark nodded excitedly, waiting for Lex to catch on.

But Lex merely scratched his head. "I didn't know Smallville _had _a community center."

"Leeeex!" Clark gave him a frustrated shove.

"What, Clark? I'm obviously not getting it. Just tell me why we're here."

"Think about it. What do community centers do?"

"I don't know, community stuff? Activities?"

"Right. And what time of year is it?"

"Christmas, Clark, but I don't see--"

"So who in the community would most enjoy Christmas activities?"

Lex thought a moment longer, and his eyes widened. "Clark--"

"It's the annual Christmas party for all the kids in the area! Come on, help me get the apple cider out of the back!"

"But, Clark, I--" Before Lex could finish, Clark had hopped out of the truck and was taking a large thermos from the back. Lex opened his own door and jogged as calmly as he could to Clark's side. "Clark, I don't think--"

"Here, Lex, could you take this for me?" Clark pushed the thermos into Lex's arms and reached for the other one. Once he had it against his chest, he started toward the entrance. 

"Come on, I think the party's already started."

"Clark, stop!" Lex's voice cracked and Clark turned around, concerned. Lex took several paces forward, thermos firmly clutched, and spoke in a quiet, controlled voice. "I can't go in there, Clark. I... I don't do kids."

The concern melted into amusement and Clark held back a laugh. "You mean the same way you don't do Christmas?"

"I'm serious. Kids and I just don't get along. They're like a pack of drooling wolves."

"What? Lex, knock it off."

"Fear, Clark. It's all about the fear. They can smell it, you know."

Clark came toward Lex, bridging what was left of the gap, and put on his most understanding face. "We'll just be in and out, Lex. Two minutes at the most."

Lex took a breath and cautiously nodded. He followed Clark into the outer hallway of the center and felt his stomach lurch at the lilting sound of the kids laughing in the common room. He had put up a front for Clark, pretending that he just didn't like kids and using fear as a joke. But the fear was only too real.

Kids hated Lex. They had hated him for as long as he could remember. Hell, they hated him when he was one of them. He blamed it on his baldness and before that, his name, and before that, he had trouble remembering. He had dim memories of his own Christmas party at the age of 6, a party his parents had thrown for him. His mother had wanted him to be happy. His father had wanted him to be normal and fit in.

When most children were counting the days left until Christmas and writing letters to Santa, Lex was studying. Christmas seemed like a dream, something a young scholar had no time for. Lionel only conceded to the party when the headmaster of Lex's school informed him that Lex wasn't making any friends.

But he only succeeded in making Lex feel more ostracized. The other children came only because their parents wanted the scoop on the Luthors and their home and they paid no mind to Lex except the occasional snicker at his curly red hair and expensive clothes.

Forcing himself back to the present, Lex stopped Clark's arm from reaching for the door to the common room. Clark looked at him inquiringly.

"What age are these kids?"

Clark thought about it. "I'm sure there's quite a range, but the majority will be around 6 or 7. Why?"

"Just wondering," Lex replied, as what remained of his stomach turned to mush. It wasn't just the kids he feared. It was Clark seeing their reaction.

They really were a pack of wolves. Canines are known for their ability to smell out anything foul or unclean. Children are the same way. Lex knew he could never dream of being as good and pure-hearted as Clark, and he feared Clark would finally see that when the kids reacted to him badly, as he was sure they would. He stopped Clark one last time.

"In and out, okay?"

Clark merely smiled and entered the room. Holding his breath, Lex followed and he felt his heart go out of rhythm as the children stopped what they were doing to look at the newcomers. As if on cue, they all shouted at the same time.

"CLARK!!!" Suddenly they were flocking in Lex's direction, their little feet pounding like thunder, their high-pitched giggles like the screech of circling vultures. He closed his eyes and waited for the end. But what brought him back to reality was the sound of Clark's warm laughter.

He opened his eyes and saw that all thirty-something of the kids had attached themselves to Clark's legs, laughing loudly.

"Hey, everyone!" Clark yelled. "Who wants cider?"

"Yay!" All the kids started jumping up and down and the pounding sent Lex's heart into another round of stops and starts.

Clark managed to free himself from the living web, and carried the thermos to the refreshments table across the room. Relieved to have something else to focus on, Lex followed suit.

Once the task was finished, he took a deep breath and looked at Clark as if to say, "Okay, let's go." But before any such words could cross his lips, one of the little boys grabbed 

Clark's arm fiercely.

"Clark, come play with us!" Clark made an apologetic gesture, but the rest of the group join in. "Yeah, Clark, come play!" Before either of them knew what was going on, Clark was being dragged to the other side of the room, now aiming his apologetic expression at Lex. Lex merely shrugged his shoulders in reply and sighed, relieved that at least the kids were too distracted with Clark to notice him.

He jumped slightly as he heard what sounded like a tiny throat being cleared. Turning around, he saw a young girl, Cindy according to her nametag, with a red sweater, thick glasses, and a look of death in her eyes. He looked desperately in Clark's direction, but saw that Clark was currently being blindfolded and spun around for a game of Pin the Antlers on the Reindeer.

Turning back to Cindy, Lex smiled politely, but the cold expression on her face remained, nearly as cold as the sweat running down the back of his neck.

**********

After purposely pinning the antlers on all the wrong parts of the reindeer's body (and getting a good amount of teasing for his efforts), Clark eventually feigned exhaustion and told the kids he had to go. Several of them let out a deflated whine, but were soon distracted as the game picked back up.

Clark glanced at the refreshments table where he had last seen Lex, apparently in some sort of face-off with little 7-year-old Cindy Jacobsen. They weren't there and Clark laughed to himself. Cindy was a quiet girl, a loner most of the time, but if she had something to say, she said it and from the look on her face, Clark was pretty sure Lex was getting an earful by now. Wherever he was.

He left the common room and found Lex and Cindy in the hallway. They were sitting cross-legged on the floor, facing each other and they seemed to be in the middle of a very important discussion. They didn't notice Clark and he stayed where he was, wanting to hear what they said.

"Let me get this straight," Lex said in his most professional tone. "This 'Santa' person sees you when you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake?" Cindy nodded slowly and seriously. "Now that is more than a little frightening."

"Tell me about it," Cindy agreed, her thick lenses making her wide eyes even wider. "And you know what else?"

"What?" Lex was all ears.

"I heard he can even read minds." Cindy pulled back to emphasize this statement, and 

Lex's face melded into flawless, perfectly crafted shock.

"Isn't that illegal?" he asked quietly.

"Doesn't matter." Cindy shook her head gravely. "He's not even an American citizen. Besides, who would arrest Santa Claus?"

Clark snorted softly and Lex and Cindy both turned to look at him. "Sorry," he said coming forward. "I didn't mean to interrupt."

"It's okay, Clark," Lex said as he got to his feet. "Cindy here was just filling me in on some North Pole politics."

Clark nodded. "Well, there's not a better time to be in the know."

"I can tell you more," Cindy said, standing up quickly, her eyes never leaving Lex.

"And I'd love to hear it," Lex replied. "But Clark and I need to be going. That is if you're ready, Clark."

Clark stared into space for a few seconds. "Hmm? Oh, uh, yeah. I'm ready."

"Okay. Well, Cindy, it was very nice meeting you. I'll think seriously about everything you said."

"We'll talk again, right?" she prodded eagerly.

"Absolutely."

She smiled. Clark walked slowly to the truck as Lex and Cindy finished their goodbyes. He plopped into the driver's seat and seconds later, Lex joined him, noticing his faraway look.

"You okay?"

Clark remained silent a while longer until his lips finally parted in a soft smile. "You really made her day, you know."

"She reminds me a lot of myself at that age."

"Well, I'm proud of you," Clark said, starting the truck. "I know it wasn't easy."

Lex forced a smile onto his own face. "Clark, you know I was kidding about the whole fear thing, right?" On Clark's skeptical look, Lex dropped the act. "Okay, I was terrified."

Clark nodded understandingly and looked out at the passing scenery. The shining snow looked too perfect to be real. It was all so untouched. Clark smiled as another thought came to him.

"I'm also proud of you for passing the mission."

"The what?"

"You think I didn't know you'd be uncomfortable around all that merry-making and screaming children? Why do you think I brought you with me?"

"I don't think I follow."

"Lex, sometimes I think that castle is warping your intellect." Lex shrugged, clueless. "Christmas, Lex! It's all part of my master plan to get you in the holiday spirit!"

"Your master plan?" Lex chuckled. "You mean this was premeditated?"

"Well, the community center was kind of spur of the moment, but yeah. I've been trying to think of ways to get you out all week. I call it Operation: Humbug."

Clark gave Lex his brightest smile that day and Lex felt his toes curling painfully in his leather shoes. "Well, I appreciate the gesture. But I should tell you, I'm immune to the Christmas spirit."

"We'll see," Clark said with a wink. More than Lex's toes started to curl and he shifted his focus to the road ahead. They sat in silence for about half a mile and despite Lex's desperate attraction to the young man next to him, he was actually very comfortable. The snow-covered cornstalks flew by outside, the heater blew drowsy warm air inside, and he was surrounded by the intoxicating smell of Clark Kent, feeling only inches away from perfect bliss.

As they were nearing the Talon, Clark turned on the radio. He was only half listening to the news broadcast that came on until the reporter mentioned the name Brandon Emmett. He turned up the volume.

"Clark?" Lex turned to him.

"Ssh." Clark held up one finger, still listening intently.

"...disappeared last night some two weeks after his father's death," stated the reporter. "But before he vanished, he apparently beat the doctors in charge of his father's case, brutally sending two of the three to the ICU where they remain in critical condition. The third doctor, wounded but conscious, made comments about Brandon's super human strength.

"There have been no further sightings of him as of yet, but we warn our listeners to take extra care. Brandon is to be considered very dangerous..."

Clark clicked off the radio, grimacing. Lex remained silent until they pulled into the parking lot of the Talon.

"You know him?" he finally asked.

"Not personally," Clark answered softly. "He goes to Smallville High. I knew he was upset about his father, but... wow."

"How did his father die?"

Clark hesitated. "Cancer. I heard they were trying some experimental treatments on him, but I guess it didn't work out."

"Guess not," Lex echoed, more than a little disappointed about the change of atmosphere.

But that's Clark, he thought. _Always thinking of others._

There was something about the situation that intrigued him, though. "What do you make of his strength?"

Clark continued to look out the window and shook his head. "It's, uh, probably just an exaggeration."

"Maybe. But around here it could just as easily be something more."

"Ever the scientist, aren't you, Lex?"

"Not just that, Clark. Whatever's happened to that boy, he's probably feeling very alone right now." Lex waited for a response and when he got nothing, continued. "Kind of makes me thankful I have such a good friend like you. Someone I can trust completely. With my life. You know you can trust me too, don't you, Clark?"

Clark may have seen the lure, but he wasn't biting. "You better get back to work, Lex," he nearly whispered. "Your mail, remember?"

"Yes. I remember." Not sure of the diplomatic way to say goodbye, and partly afraid he might start screaming if he so much as opened his mouth again, Lex got out of the truck without another word.

As he approached his car, he heard Clark speeding away behind him and resisted the urge to pound a dent in his car's hood.

"Damn it!" He got into the car, his anger taking on an edge of sadness (as it often did when it involved Clark), and turned the radio up loud enough to shake the windows as he drove away. But no matter how loud the music or how throbbing the bass, he couldn't block out the question that plagued his mind more and more with every passing day.

Why doesn't he trust me?


	3. Part 2

Author: Mitch

Title: Operation: Humbug

Series: Part 2

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Clark/Lex

Spoilers: None

Feedback: I'm not getting paid for this you know! 

December 19, 2002

3:02PM

Still exhausted, still aching, and recently having had the pleasure of dropkicking a homemade wreath sent to him by one of the craftier wives, Lex poured over more reports at his desk.

But this time his bad mood had nothing to do with The Holidays. This time it was all about Clark and the last awkward exchange they had shared.

__

You really screwed the pooch this time, Luthor.

Not so much as a phone call had transpired since that day. True, Lex had disconnected his phone under the pretense of not wanting to be disturbed, but he had hoped it would force Clark to make a personal appearance. But he only came to make the produce deliveries, and even then only stopped in the back entrance, not bothering to say hello. It had been the worst 12 days of Lex's life.

So that was it. He had finally pushed too far and alienated his best friend. His only friend.

He took a sip of coffee, welcoming the hot sting on his tongue. As the burn started to go down his throat, there was a knock at the door. "Come in."

Clark walked into the study and the hot coffee traveling down to Lex's stomach threatened to travel right back up in his surprise. "Clark!"

"Hi, Lex." Clark grinned shyly, a promise of brighter smiles to come, and Lex was positively baffled.

"What can I do for you?" But with Clark standing there in his thick tan coat and jeans as tight as his skin, Lex wondered if the more appropriate question was _What can I do _to _you??_

"Actually, it's what I can do for you," Clark said, not seeming to notice the full body scan. "Do you have a warm coat?"

"I have several," Lex answered, still unsure.

"Grab the warmest one, then."

Clark turned and walked out of the study, obviously quite confident Lex would follow. He did. He caught up with Clark at the front door after putting on his coat, and tried not to shake in his excitement.

"Where to?"

The mischief sparked again in Clark's eyes. "Your second mission, of course." Clark winked again, turning Lex's insides upside down. There was something so sexual about it, whether or not that was the intent. He spared half a second for the thought of Clark winking at him from below. On his knees. Naked.

"O holy God," he muttered to himself.

"That's the spirit." Clark smiled and took Lex firmly by the hand to the driveway where their chariot of rusted blue awaited under a darkening sky. In the bed of the truck was something large wrapped under a tarp, but Lex was a little too fixated on his current situation to ask what it was.

Funny how Clark didn't seem to notice Lex's attraction in spite of his inability to hold himself together. In fact, it often seemed like Clark was encouraging him, egging him on. But that was just wishful thinking. Wasn't it? Lex glanced down at his hand wrapped tightly in Clark's and for the first time in over a year, allowed himself to wonder.

**********

They arrived at their destination, and Lex looked all around, trying to figure out what Clark had planned. The truck was parked on the side of the road next to a field of pure white extending as far as Lex could see. The horizon was barely discernible against the whitish-grey of the overcast sky, and for one instant Lex felt like he was floating. Like the weight of his worries had momentarily released him.  
  
Clark put a strong hand on Lex's shoulder and squeezed softly. "Don't worry, Lex. No kids this time. I promise."  
  
Lex turned to face him as Clark's comforting smile turned into a lopsided, teasing grin. "Very funny, farmboy. You realize you'll pay dearly for all of this."  
  
"I'm counting on it." With that, the lopsided grin turned into something else that Lex couldn't quite put his finger on. Actually he could. The look on Clark's face now was one of very blatant flirtation. It just seemed so different on Clark. Not unnatural really, and certainly not unpleasant. Just different. Again, he had a very hard time believing that Clark's motives were anything more than innocent friendship, and as the motives the look was inspiring in Lex were anything _but _innocent, he decided to look away.  
  
He felt Clark's gaze a few moments longer, then Clark opened the door. "Wait here," he said. "And don't peek."  
  
Feeling for the first time like a child waiting for Christmas, Lex folded his arms and resolved not to turn around, no matter what he heard going on behind him. This proved more difficult than he had anticipated when the entire truck started to shift in the snow and he heard whatever was back there being dragged out. But he stayed strong and soon Clark was outside his window mouthing the word "Okay."  
  
He stepped out into the chilly air and put on a black snow cap as the first small flakes began to fall. He followed Clark around to the back of the truck and what he found there stopped him in his tracks.  
  
"A snowmobile?" Clark nodded, rubbing his hands together excitedly. "Thoughtful, Clark, but I already have a snowmobile. Actually, I have a garage full of them."  
  
Clark laughed, straddling the seat. "It's not a gift, Lex. It's part of the mission."  
  
"How so?"  
  
"Well, it's not exactly old-fashioned, but I know my Christmas season wouldn't be complete without a ride through the snow."  
  
"Oh." Lex could barely hide his disappointment. He thought the activity would be something they could do together. "Well, you go first then. You should have told me what you were planning. I could have brought mine so we wouldn't have to take turns."  
  
"That was kind of the point, Lex," Clark said patiently.  
  
"I don't understand."  
  
"Get on." Clark motioned to the back of the seat with his head.

Lex attempted to respond but the only sound from his mouth was a soft choked breath, not unlike a drunken hiccup. 

"There's plenty of room." Clark scooted forward slowly, spreading his legs to accommodate the handlebars. 

Rather than turn away what could be the most unbelievable opportunity of his life because of his own bashfulness, Lex started to get on the snowmobile.

"Wait." Clark put up his hand. "There's something else in the back of the truck. Could you get it?"

Feeling like he just got caught in the act, Lex lifted his leg away from the snowmobile (and Clark) and went back to the truck. There was a small picnic basket with a plaid blanket folded on top. Because he was growing accustomed to not knowing what the hell was going on and, more importantly, because a tight-jeaned Clark Kent was waiting for him only two steps away, Lex didn't bother to question it. He grabbed it and handed it to Clark, who rested it between his arms and grabbed the handles. Lex then lowered himself down behind him, his face burning as he felt Clark's warm backside against his crotch.

"Hold on," Clark said.

Lex couldn't pass that up. "To what?"

Clark glanced at him with a sideways grin. "My waist, Lex."

"Oh. Right."

Lex did as he was told and tensed up as Clark started the motor. He could ride a snowmobile with his eyes closed, but he had never ridden with another person before. But he trusted Clark with everything he had, so he forced himself to forget any worries and just enjoy the proximity. 

Soon they were traveling at what felt like light speed. Lex didn't have reference points in the open field, so he couldn't tell how fast they were actually going. All he knew was that the wind was so cold against his cheeks it burned, and not wanting Clark to see him red-faced and runny-nosed, he bent over, burying his head in the curve of Clark's shoulder and neck. Clark's hair tickled his face and while he couldn't actually hear anything but the passing air, he was sure he felt the vibration of Clark's voice. He hoped it was an utterance of contentment.

Just as Lex was thinking of taking up permanent residence on Clark's back, the engine's blare quieted as the snowmobile came to a stop. Clark killed the power and stepped off, forcing Lex to relinquish his hold. But Lex hardly had time to be disappointed before Clark offered his hand, the look on his face surprisingly void of humor. Lex took it and Clark lead him to a fence beneath a gigantic, snow-covered pine tree whose lowest branches were high enough for them to sit beneath, protecting them from the quiet flurry.

Clark spread out the blanket and they seated themselves as he emptied the basket. First he pulled out a thermos and poured two mugs full of steaming hot chocolate, which Lex accepted gratefully. Next, he handed Lex a plate of frosted sugar cookies in Christmas shapes.

"Eat up," Clark said through a mouthful of his own cookies.

But Lex hesitated. The cookies before him seemed to be significant for some reason, and he struggled to remember. There was a cookie shaped like a candy cane, one like a Christmas tree, one like a snowman... The picture frame! He looked up at Clark in wide-eyed wonder and took a sharp breath.

"You little bastard."

"Wha?" A small spray of crumbs flew from Clark's mouth.

"I should have known. Who else could have been so creative?"

"Ah oo ohay, Leh?" Clark asked, forgetting for the moment how to chew and swallow.

Lex laughed at his friend, the most wonderful man alive, even if he was a little goofy. "I've never been better, Clark. And thank you. For everything." Lex popped a cookie into his mouth. "I heenk I filey feel the spiwit of Chwismus."

Now they both started laughing and the falling snow was no match for the shower of white crumbs falling all over the picnic blanket. They laughed until they had tears in their eyes and they thought they wouldn't live long enough to even swallow their cookies. But eventually they calmed down and finished their hot chocolate looking into each other's eyes, breaking every now and then for a few remaining giggles.

__

So this is it, Lex thought, feeling like he was in a dream. _This is what it's like to love someone. Someone who loves me back._

He put down his cup and scooted a little closer. "Seriously, Clark, you don't know what this means to me. I don't think I've had this much fun since... ever."

Clark scooted closer too. "Well, you haven't completed the mission, you know. There's one task left."

"What's that?" Lex whispered leaning in.

"This." Clark leaned toward Lex's face and Lex closed his eyes as the younger boy's arm reached behind him, presumably to pull him closer. But instead, Lex felt a sudden wet coldness on his neck, piercing in its severity. He opened his eyes with a jolt, turning around to see what it was and immediately understood. Clark had shoved a snowball down his shirt.

"Holy shit that's cold!" Lex stood up, hitting his head against the low branches of the pine, sending more snow down onto his back. "Damn it!" 

He ran out into the open field and danced around like a Sugarplum Fairy trying to get the snow out of his shirt. All the while, Clark remained under the tree, convulsing with another fit of laughter.

Lex finally got rid of the small amount of snow that hadn't melted onto his back, and looked at Clark, who was still in hysterics. "Laugh it up, farmboy," he challenged, "'cause you're going down." Before Clark had a chance to offer a comeback, Lex shoved a handful of snow into his face. He shook it off and looked up at Lex, shocked.

"Oh, so that's the way we're playing?" 

"You're the one who started the game, Clark."

"Okay, that's fair. But don't think you'll get out of this alive."

"You can't kill me if you can't catch me." Lex turned tail and ran as fast as his legs would take him, suddenly thankful for the rigorous workouts he put himself through on a regular basis. Right when he thought he was getting away, he felt another snowball hit him square in the back. It didn't hurt, but it was enough impact to knock him to the ground.

Staying low, he turned around and formed another snowball and stood long enough to throw it at Clark, who was still running toward him. It hit Clark in the leg with a startling crack, but he kept running.

Lex started running toward Clark, faked to the left, and then ran to the right, doubling back on their current path in hopes of hiding behind the trunk of the pine tree. But Clark caught up with him before he got far and grabbed him by the waist, sending them both rolling over each other on the ground until coming to a stop with Lex on his back and Clark on top of him, breathing heavily into his face. They laughed some more until they realized the position they were in.

"Clark--"

"Ssh, Lex. Just let it happen." Clark gently caressed Lex's cheek and looked over his face with such affection in his eyes that Lex felt himself blushing again. The cold around him ceased to exist. The bright light of the snow was a fading flame compared to the brilliance of Clark's eyes. He could smell the frosting from the cookies on Clark's breath and he knew that the inside of that mouth would be twice as sweet. 

"I love you, Lex" Clark whispered.

Lex closed his eyes and felt a rush of warmth up his spine as their lips met softly. Clark pulled away for a fraction of a second, then dived back in at full steam, sending hot breath into Lex's mouth and moaning softly as his tongue searched eagerly for Lex's.

Their tongues met and glided against each other desperately as Clark's lower lip pressed harder and harder against into Lex's chin. He then took Lex's lower lip into his mouth and pulled on it gently, eliciting a moan from its owner. It was more than Lex could take and he reached around to grab Clark's ass, perfectly defined in his shamelessly tight jeans and he squeezed until he heard Clark whine with a mixture of pleasure and need.

Lex was rewarded further as Clark's leg slowly shifted until his knee was just below Lex's crotch, pushing softly on the sensitive area. The light pressure developed into a harder pressure, which then developed into a steady rhythmic grind. Sensation filled Lex's body and everywhere Clark touched him was on fire; the fingertips on his face, tracing down his neck and finding their way to his chest where they started to unbutton his shirt.

"Mm-- Clark wait."

"What is it?" Clark shifted his kisses to Lex's cheek and continued to grind. 

"We should really-- ah, God." Clark's tongue had discovered Lex's ear. "Clark, we should really go back to the mansion. I'm all wet."

"Glad to hear it," Clark whispered, touching Lex's crotch.

"Jesus! Clark, please." He took Clark's face into his hands and the motion stopped. "I want you at the mansion. In my bed." That should do it.

And it did. Clark gave Lex a look of desire that nearly made him climax on the spot. But he held himself in check, literally, and Clark gave him one last kiss before standing and helping Lex to his feet. Clark went to the snowmobile and started the engine as Lex ducked under the tree to hurriedly gather their things.

As he was folding the blanket, he faintly heard a muffled crack like a twig snapping and he turned to Clark. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

Lex shook his head, dismissing it, and turned back to the blanket. He heard another crack, louder this time and coming from above him. "Now you had to have heard that."

"Yeah, I did," Clark said looking up. "It sounded like it came from the tree."

Lex looked up too, but saw nothing but the lowest branches holding a layer of tightly packed snow. He jumped as he heard another crack, this one loud enough to vibrate the ground, and the next thing he heard was Clark screaming. "Lex, look out!"

He wanted to say "Look out for what?" but he was interrupted by a deafening grinding and his view of Clark was cut off by a sheet of snow falling from the tree. Chunks of snow were suddenly slamming into the top of his head, pushing him face first to the ground. The same frozen weight started pounding down onto his back and seconds later, he felt like he was being crushed, unable to breath.

As he felt his mind losing its grasp on consciousness, he thought of Clark and was thankful that at least he had one special memory to hold onto as he left the earth. But before completely losing awareness, he felt strong arms lock onto him like a vice and he was suddenly being pulled through the cold darkness. In one blurred second, he was carried away from the tree and was suddenly out in the open with cold air burning his lungs and Clark's arms wrapped around him.

"Lex, I'm so sorry," he was stuttering through fierce breaths. "I didn't know that would-- I'm so sorry, Lex. If anything ever happened to you..."

"Clark, I'm okay," Lex managed to choke out. He took several deep breaths and straightened his legs, pleasantly surprised that he was able to hold his own weight. He turned toward the tree. "I guess it just..." 

He trailed off as he looked at the pine tree. The pine tree that he had just been nearly crushed beneath. The pine tree that was now at least 40 feet away. He jerked his head back to Clark in amazement. "Clark, how did you do that? You couldn't have run that fast!"

Clark looked Lex up and down, as if deciding how to answer. "Adrenaline?" he supplied, shifting his eyes back to the tree.

Lex's breath caught in his throat and he felt hot tears sting his eyes. He pulled back from Clark abruptly, shaking his head. "Adrenaline? _Adrenaline, _Clark? How stupid do you think I am?!"

"Lex, I don't, I--"

"No! Don't say anymore. I can't take, it Clark. I can't take one more, lie."

"Lex, I'm not lying--"

"Stop! How can you do it? Are you just so used to telling blatant lies that you've started telling them when it's not even necessary?" Clark looked at him pleadingly. "I didn't even ask, Clark. All I asked you was how you did it, which seems a fairly sensible question in a situation like this. But you could have just not answered. It's still bullshit, but at least you wouldn't have to lie to me, _again!!!_"

"Lex, please! I can explain!" Clark took Lex's arms and Lex ripped them away.

"You told me you loved me, Clark. Don't you know that that was enough? I know you aren't ready to open up to me and I've accepted that. All that mattered to me was our friendship, and today I thought there could be more."

"There can!"

"Not after this. You can't just tell me you love me and then lie to my face."

Lex stormed off in the direction of the snowmobile, knowing full well that Clark could catch up with him, and half hoping he would. But his own footfalls in the snow were the only ones he heard and his pride prevented him from turning around. 

"I'll send a check for the snowmobile," he spat as he revved the engine and sped across the field toward town, where he would call a cab to take him home, leaving Clark alone in the stillness of the field. The vast open space that had offered intimacy only moments before, now offered isolation, and Clark crumpled to his knees, sobbing.


	4. Part 3

Author: Mitch

Title: Operation: Humbug

Series: Part 3

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Clark/Lex

Spoilers: None.

Feedback: Thank you everyone who has reviewed. You are my Christmas angels!

Author's Note: You may notice the presence of Sam Loomis in this chapter. You may also notice that this character is *totally not mine!* Sam is a creation of Nymph Du Pave. I just fell in love with idea of Lex having that one servant he can confide in.

********** 

December 24, 2002

6:00PM

Nothing. 

No aches, no exhaustion, not even a mild twinge of unhappiness. Everything was still.

__

Good, Lex thought. _Now I can work in peace._

Rather difficult, though, since he had drunk himself into numbness. But it was worth it. The aches and pains he could handle. The exhaustion had become a permanent fixture. But the longing, the yearning, the furious pangs in his chest; these were things he could do without. Forever.

He reached for his coffee a la Peppermint Schnapps, and took another long swig. He nearly spit it out when the taste hit his tongue, knowing immediately who to blame. "Sam?!"

Sam Loomis, Lex's most trusted servant, walked cautiously into the study. "What is it, sir?"

"It's hot chocolate is what it is," Lex slurred. "I don't recall asking for hot chocolate!"

"I understand. But you've had quite a lot to drink, and I thought it might be prudent if--"

"I decide what's prudent in this household!" Lex slammed his fist on the desk and nodded his head, very satisfied with his disciplining technique. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do." He took another drink of the hot chocolate, already forgetting that it wasn't alcohol, and this time really did spit it out onto the floor. He looked at the mess and started to laugh, but the laughs soon turned to quiet sobs.

Sam came closer. "Sir, maybe you should put your work aside for the night. I can build a fire and get you another cup of cocoa." Good old Sam.

"I don't want, cocoa," Lex whispered, sitting up straight. "I bet he's drinking cocoa right now. He and his family."

"Master Kent, sir?" Lex nodded. 

As Sam was about to reply, there was a knock at the door.

"I'm not here," Lex stated quickly.  
  
"Of course." Sam went to answer it, closing the study doors behind him as Lex got up to search for the Schnapps that had obviously been hidden from him. Before he got far, the double doors of the study flew open and in stormed Jonathan Kent with Sam following closely behind.  
  
"I told him to go, sir, he insisted that he see you."  
  
"We need to talk, Lex." Jonathan's voice took on the authoritative/disgusted tone that Lex suspected was used only for him.  
  
"It's okay, Sam. I'll talk to him." Lex didn't have the energy to get rid of him anyway. Sam left obediently and closed the doors once more. Lex went back to his search, pulling cushions off the leather couch. "What can I do for you, Mr. Kent?"  
  
Jonathan shifted his weight, deciding how to begin. He decided to just blurt it out, shock Lex into listening. "Lex, I don't like you."  
  
Lex snorted, not looking up from his task. "Yeah, and Christmas comes but once a year. Tell me something I don't know."  
  
"And I don't like your relationship with my son," Jonathan continued, raising his voice a notch. "In fact, that's why I'm here."  
  
"Well, you don't have anything to worry about there," Lex snapped, moving on from the couch to the bookshelf where he started dropping various volumes onto the floor. "Now why don't you go back to your home cooked meal. Tell the wife and _kid_ I said hello. Or better yet, don't."  
  
"Don't you think I'd like to, Lex? Don't you think I would rather be anywhere on Christmas Eve than standing in the middle of a gaudy Luthor estate trying to talk to an obstinate drunk?"  
  
Lex jerked his head in Jonathan's direction. "Then why the _hell_ are you still here?!"  
  
"Because when my son's not happy, I'm not happy! Now I don't know what you did, but if you know what's good for you, you'll march your skinny little butt over to that farm and undo it!"  
  
Lex laughed at Jonathan's sternness. "Figures Clark wouldn't tell you. He's become quite the little secret keeper, hasn't he?"  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"It means maybe some of the bad things that happen to Clark Kent are his own fault. He may be gifted, but he's not perfect."

"So that's what this is about. You still haven't given up on your idea that Clark is different somehow. Have you been harassing him about it? Is that why he's so upset?"

"Clark is upset because he got caught in a lie, Mr. Kent. Simple as that."

"My boy is not a liar, damn it!" In their anger, neither of them heard the doorbell ring.

"He is a liar and so are you! Your whole family is full of lies. You call the Luthors evil and corrupt but look at yourself! At least we have the balls to fuck people over to their faces!"

Jonathan took two long strides toward Lex, his face as red as a beet, and raised his arm to deck him in the jaw. But before he made impact, they both heard a cracking thud outside of the study, followed by what sounded like Sam groaning and falling to the floor. 

Alarmed, they both ran from the study to see what had happened. Sam was on the ground unconscious next to the open front door, and nobody else was there. Jonathan knelt down to check his pulse and Lex started back to the study.

"I'll call the police!"

Just as he got to the double doors, a figure stepped out from behind a plant and grabbed Lex around the neck, holding a knife to his throat, facing Lex back toward Jonathan and Sam. His choked gasp was enough to get Jonathan's immediate attention.

"Lex!" Jonathan ran to Lex's aid, but as soon as he got within striking distance, the man holding Lex kicked Jonathan violently in the chest, sending him flying backwards where he landed next to Sam, losing consciousness as his head hit the floor.

Lex bent his head forward, trying to put as much distance between his neck and the blade as possible. "Who are you?" he rasped.

"Not that you would even know me by my name, but what the hell?" He whipped Lex around and Lex found himself face to face with a furious, sweating, twitchy-eyed... high school student. "Brandon Emmett, at your service." He raised the knife above his head, and brought its black grip down onto Lex's skull. Lex felt a shooting pain and then nothing but blackness. 

**********

When Lex woke up, the pain in his head was less shooting and more constant, unbearable throbbing. Of course, he couldn't be sure whether it was from the blow to his head or just a really bitchin' hangover. Either way, his head wasn't the only part of his body that was hurting. He was burning all around his chest and his wrists. 

He looked down to find himself tied tightly to a chair by his chest and legs with his wrists tied behind his back. He tried to struggle and gasped as the ropes dug further into his skin.

"'Bout time you joined the party, Lex." He turned to his right and saw Jonathan tied to the chair next to him, conscious and breathing heavily, but not struggling. Then he looked forward and saw Brandon Emmett, sitting on the edge of the desk, playing with his knife. Lex squinted through the post-blow blurriness and tried to see if he recognized Brandon. He didn't. But despite the boy's sweat-soaked sandy blond hair, pale complexion, and tired eyes, Lex thought he recognized what was once a relatively attractive young man. 

__

Though not much for fashion sense.

Brandon had on a dirty pair of jeans and a torn old leather jacket. Not surprising, though, as he had been evading the law for over two weeks.

"Take a good look, Lex," he taunted. "You won't recognize me."

"No, but I do," Jonathan cut in. "Brandon, I know who you are and what's happened. I'm sorry about your father. He was a good man, but--"

"Shut your mouth, old man!" Brandon swept forward in a blur and held the tip of the knife to Jonathan's throat. "This is between me and Luthor! You just happened to be in the way."

He stepped back a few paces, calming down. "Although your presence isn't entirely without its advantages. It actually sweetens the deal quite a bit. It doubles the ransom."

"Look, you little shit," Lex blurted. "Would you quit wasting my time and get to the point? Just tell me who you are and why you're pissed off at me, and then I'll tell you how many different ways you can shove it up your ass."

"Lex..." Jonathan warned, but it was too late. 

With the same blurry speed, Brandon zoomed forward and backhanded Lex across the face, bringing tears of pain to his eyes. Lex spit a mouthful of blood onto the floor and looked back at Brandon, smiling drowsily.

"That's more like it," he said. "Now what do you want?"

Brandon took a step back, seeming to be impressed by Lex's resilience. "I want my father. And thanks to you, I'll never see him again."

"If I recall, your father died of cancer, Brandon."

"Well, well," Brandon chirped. "The spoiled little millionaire isn't completely oblivious after all. He did die of cancer and your filthy experimental drugs sped up the process!"

Brandon made as if to hit Lex again, causing Lex to flinch. But Brandon only pulled away, laughing.

"What drugs?" Jonathan asked calmly.

Brandon turned his eyes to the stained glass window behind him, taking on the tone of an expert storyteller. "As you're both aware, the Luthor family has ownership of Catmus Labs. They recently organized a medical research clinic, specializing in drugs developed from the meteor rocks."

Jonathan gave Lex a look of murder, but stayed quiet. Brandon went on.

"They came up with a new drug that cured cancer in laboratory rats. Actually, it focused more on the bodily systems than the cancer, giving their bodies the strength to fight it off."

"And that's the drug they tried on your father."

"Very good, Lex! But what those dimwitted healthcare professionals failed to notice, was that the rats had only had cancer for a short time. My father had been in treatment for over a year! When administered, the drug didn't empower his body, it empowered the cancer!"

Lex was more annoyed by the minute. "Brandon, I feel for you. I really do. My mother died when I was very young and it crushed me. But I didn't tie people to chairs and hold them at knifepoint. Wanna know what I did?" Brandon leaned in, listening. "_I_ _GOT OVER IT!!!"_

Brandon stepped forward holding the knife up, ready to stab Lex. 

"Stop it!" Jonathan yelled, startling them both. "Just stop it! Brandon, we understand your anger, now tell us what you want."

The young man's hand clenched around the grip of the knife several times as a drop of sweat fell from his chin to the floor. He finally decided to put his arm back to his side and talk. "Money. When my dad died, he left my mother and me with nothing. I know Daddy Luthor is loaded, so I figured I'd kidnap baldy here and collect the reward." Lex snorted, but Brandon didn't seem to notice. "So I took what was left of the drug they used on my father, thinking I'd need the extra strength to go up against the guards around the place. Little did I know the only protection you'd have would be that flimsy old man you call a servant." He gestured toward the front door.

"I swear to God, Brandon, if anything happens to Loomis--"

"Lex, don't." Jonathan warned.

"He's right, Lex. This knife seems to have a mind of its own. I wouldn't want to hurt you unnecessarily." He gave them both a last, contemptuous look and started out the door.

"Where are you going?" Jonathan asked.

"What, you think I'm dumb enough to call Lionel Luthor from one of his own properties? I'm going to find a payphone." His head twitched, making him look even more crazed, and he walked out of the mansion, slamming the door behind him.

Lex and Jonathan shared a long silence, not very uncomfortable, but filled to the brim with unfocused rage. Lex was the first to speak.

"I can't believe I'm spending Christmas with _you!"_

Jonathan rolled his eyes. "I have no intention of spending Christmas here, Lex. We're getting out."

"Good luck. You'll bleed to death just trying to get out of these ropes."

"Well, if you'd put a sock in it, I could think of something!"

"Take your time. The closest payphone isn't for miles and Brandon is obviously on foot. Maybe when Sam wakes up, he can spoon feed us some cocoa. Do you like yours with Schnapps?"

"Would you cut the crap, Lex? This is serious!"

"You'll have to forgive me, Mr. Kent. These days, life-threatening situations just don't bother me like they used to. Having Clark as a friend is like walking around with a human safety belt."

"You know, I should have never come here. And as soon as I get out, I'm going to tell Clark that no matter how upset he is now, he'll be better off in the long run if he ditches you."

Just as Lex was about to release a string of curses in response, the doorbell rang, startling them both into silence. They looked at each other and Jonathan whispered "Brandon?"

"He wouldn't bother with the doorbell," Lex whispered back. The doorbell rang again and this time, a voice came onto the intercom.

"Lex?"

It was Clark. Jonathan and Lex both lost their breath for a moment, immediately after which, Jonathan started screaming.

"Clark! Come in, son! We're in the den!"

"He can't hear you unless you use the intercom, Mr. Kent. The building is soundproof."

"Well, where's the intercom?!" 

Lex motioned with his head to the wall where the intercom was positioned. Nearly two feet above them.

"Well, how do we let him know we're here?" Before Lex could answer, Clark spoke again.

"Okay, Lex, you don't have to come to the door. But please, just listen to me." He took a labored breath and Lex closed his eyes, willing himself not to be affected. "I'm sorry, Lex. I was stupid and I was wrong and I'm sorry." Jonathan looked at Lex questioningly. Lex merely stared ahead.

"But you have to understand what it's been like," Clark went on. "Not only have I always had the instinct to lie to protect myself, but it's been ground into me for as long as I can remember. I wanted to tell you, I-I wanted to tell you from the first day I met you, but I couldn't just forget all the warnings my parents gave me. They made it feel like the world would cave in on itself if I so much as thought about telling anyone."

This time, Lex looked at Jonathan, who lowered his eyes to the floor.

"But now I'm just making excuses, and that's not what I came here to do." Clark's voice became quiet and they both strained to hear it. "It doesn't matter how often I've lied in the past. All that matters is that I lied to you, and I will never forgive myself. Because deep down, you're the only person in this world I know I can trust completely. 

"Since I was little, I've always had these voices in my head. They tell me to worry and they tell me to lie and they get so loud, I feel like my whole identity is drowning. But when I met you, they went away. For the first time in my life, I experienced peace. I figured it was because you understood, because you were dealing with your own voices. I hope I helped quiet them for you too."

"You did," Lex whispered as a tear fell down his cheek. Jonathan looked away, feeling oddly like an intruder.

"But I ruined it and I know that. You trusted me and I betrayed you." On the word "betrayed" Clark's voice cracked, and when he spoke again his voice was shaking with sobs. "I would do anything to take that back, Lex. Anything. If you never want to see me again, I'll understand, but I had to let you know. Please think about what I said." 

The intercom clicked off and Jonathan watched the muscles in Lex's neck tense as he held back his tears. Then the intercom clicked on one last time, in the middle of Clark's shuddering breath.

"Lex?" He paused for almost 30 seconds. "I love you," he whispered, and the speaker switched off. Lex knew that Clark wouldn't come back again, could almost feel him moving away.

Jonathan took a deep breath, trying to put his thoughts in some kind of rational order. "He, uh, must not have seen my truck," he offered, his own voice cracking.

Lex opened his eyes and choked back a sob. Then he turned to Jonathan, his face steeling over in cold resolve as his breathing sped up. "Well, I'm not waiting for a miracle. We're getting out of here."

"What do you suggest?" Jonathan asked quickly, more than ready to throw himself into the task.

"Just give me a second. I'm not sure it'll work."

Without another word, Lex started jerking his body forward, scooting his chair toward the desk. The ropes immediately began to dig into his chest and he stifled a scream at the burning as blood started to soak through his white shirt.

"Lex, be careful!" Jonathan warned, but Lex continued on.

He finally reached the side of the desk where he stopped to catch his breath, hanging his head down. Then with the little amount of freedom he could achieve, he reached out with his bare toes. 

"It should still be down here," he muttered as he strained his foot forward, his view obstructed by the papers on the desk.

"What are you looking for?" Jonathan asked impatiently.

"Ha!" Lex felt his foot touch what he was looking for. He bent his toes to pull it toward himself, grunting at the subsequent cramp taking hold of his foot, but not giving up. Finally, he got it out from under the desk where both he and Jonathan could see it.

"A picture frame?" Jonathan asked.

"It was a gift," Lex said, breathing heavily.

"Fine, but how does it help us?"

Without answering, Lex tipped his chair backwards a few inches. When he came back down, he flexed his foot, allowing his heel to crash down onto the glass of the frame, shattering it. Although he didn't make a sound, Jonathan winced as blood started to ooze from Lex's foot.

Lex then started jerking himself around, turning his chair until the picture frame was to his left. He jerked his body in that direction. It took him a few tries, but he finally got the chair to tip onto its side and he gasped as his shoulder met the floor with a thud, his arm smashed beneath the chair.

"Lex! Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Lex lied through gritted teeth. Physically, he was a mess. But mentally he was just as sharp as ever, and quite pleased with himself that he had fallen with his hands right next to the broken glass. Jonathan started to catch on.

"There's a big piece just below your right hand."

Taking his cue, Lex reached out with his right hand and grabbed onto a large shard of glass. He immediately started rubbing the point against the rope binding his wrists. Jonathan continued to coach him from across the room.

"Easy, Lex. Don't cut yourself. Pull it up a little."

Lex pulled the glass up, bending his wrist uncomfortably, but feeling a thicker chunk of rope to cut. He gripped the shard tighter, trying to gain more control.

"Ah!" He growled as the edges dug into his gripping hand. But he bit down on the pain and kept going.

"You're doing great, Lex. You've almost got it." Beads of sweat began to form on Jonathan's head as he encouraged the younger man.

Lex continued to grind against the rope, feeling it start to fray under the glass. He prayed it wasn't just a figment of his imagination. At the point that both of his hands had almost completely lost their feeling, Lex felt the rope snap.

"You got it!" Jonathan yelled, shaking his own chair in excitement.

Using what strength he had left, Lex freed his hands of the rope. He pushed himself away from the floor with his right arm, wincing as the feeling came back into his left arm like a shot of white fire. "I think my arm is broken!"

"We can take care of it! Just get us out of here!"

The rope that had been holding his wrists was the same rope that was across his chest. Now that his arms were free, the rope in front was hanging loosely and all he had left to untie were his legs. He struggled with the knots, cursing as he was only able to use his right hand. 

When he was just about ready to give up and pick up another shard of glass, the knots came loose. He threw the ropes away from himself frantically and fumbled his way into a standing position, where the rush of blood to his head threatened to knock him back down. Jonathan could see his dizziness.

"Lex! Focus!"

The harsh voice cleared his head and he limped to the back of Jonathan's chair, where he started to untie the older man's wrists. Once free, Jonathan was able to quickly untie his own legs. 

He stood up and started on a dead run for the door, expecting Lex to follow. But Lex's imbalance took over and he stumbled to his knees. Jonathan turned around and went back to him, grabbing him by the shoulders.

"Come on, Lex. Give me your arm." Jonathan attempted to put Lex's arm over his own shoulders to support him, but Lex resisted.

"You go. I need to stay behind for Sam."

"Lex, I am not leaving you here! What if Brandon comes back?" 

Lex continued to resist and fell to the floor where he made no attempt to rise. "I'll be okay."

Jonathan hesitated, finally squatting next to him and putting his hand on the back of Lex's neck, forcing him to make eye contact. "Lex, if I let anything happen to you, Clark would... it would kill him."

Lex looked deeply into Jonathan's eyes, seeing the truth there. The same truth he had passed on to his loving son. Lex swallowed the growing lump in his throat, and nodded his head, allowing Jonathan to help him up. Once he had his arm over Jonathan's shoulders, they headed for the door.

"Wait," Lex stopped.

"What is it?"

"You go pull the car around. I have to get something."

"Lex, I don't know..."

"Really, it's okay. I'll be two seconds. I'm feeling stronger now." 

Jonathan took a breath and decided to agree. He let Lex's arm go and Lex was able to stand on his own. Lex smiled weakly. "Thank you, Mr. Kent."

Jonathan smiled back, nodding. "You're a brave man, Lex." Squeezing Lex's shoulder one last time, Jonathan turned to the door and went to get the truck. 

Attempting to block out the pain shooting in from all corners of his body, Lex turned back to the study and limped to the desk, feeling almost like he was skipping at his fast pace. He knelt down next to the overturned chair and grabbed the picture frame. He shook away the broken glass and saw that there were blood stains over the green paint, but he was too thankful to be free to be upset about it.

"You saved me again, Clark," he laughed, shaking his head at the gift. "And this time, you didn't even know it." He rubbed his finger over the gold writing inside the frame and stood up, grabbing his cell phone from the desk. He heard Jonathan honking the horn outside the open door and he limped out of the study like a bat with a broken wing out of Hell. 

Lex stopped next to Sam to see if he had woken up, but he was still unconscious. "Don't worry, Sam. I'm calling an ambulance right now."

As he was walking to the door, he opened his phone and started dialing. But when he got to the front step, his view of Jonathan's truck was suddenly cut off as Brandon popped out in front of him, looking even more agitated and furious than before. His face had taken on a light shade of green, and rotten-looking brownish blood dripped from his nose.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?!"

Lex never was one for holding his tongue. "The hell away from you, you obnoxious inbred!" 

On some level, Lex was aware of Jonathan running toward him and screaming his name. But his immediate attention was suddenly fixed on the flash of metal bolting across his line of sight, where it disappeared and was replaced by a ball of heat in his gut. It started out small, then radiated through his whole stomach and down to his groin.

He looked down and saw the handle of the knife sticking out of his shirt, the blade almost completely hidden inside of him. As several drops of warm blood landed on his bare feet, Lex's eyes rolled back into his head. Unlike the event under the pine tree, his mind blinked out so fast he didn't even have time to think a last little thought of Clark before the end.


	5. Epilogue

Author: Mitch

Title: Operation: Humbug

Series: Epilogue

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Clark/Lex

Spoilers: None.

Feedback: Thanks again for all the reviews! You've made this poor little college student very happy. 

Author's Note: I was thinking about waiting for Christmas Eve to post this, but besides the fact that I'm not _that_ evil, I know that the day before the holiday is always busy. So here it is. Everyone have a fun and safe holiday!

**********

December 25, 2002

6:38PM

Darkness started to unfold. It was slowly pierced with dots of colorful light. Like stars. Everything was warm and safe and... peaceful. All the fear, all the pain and doubt were gone and he wondered if this was it. Heaven. It was just as all those who claimed to have been there had described it, but more. Happiness in a sense that he'd never known filled his heart. The very air was alive with love and he breathed it in, letting the warmth cleanse his soul. Soon there were warm hands covering his own and he laughed at their familiar feel. "Mom?" he whispered.

"Sorry, Lex. It's just me."

Not his mother. But a voice so soft and loving it had to be that of an angel. The small lights began to take on shape and he saw that it was a Christmas tree. He could hear music playing softly and those warm hands were now squeezing his. He looked into the face above him.

"Clark."

Clark smiled, tears filling his eyes. "That's right, baby. Everything is going to be okay."

With the suddenness of an electric shock, Lex remembered everything. He sat up in a panic. "Sam! Clark, we have to go back for Sam!" 

"Sam is fine, Lex. He has a bump on his head, but he'll be okay. And Brandon has been taken into custody."

Suddenly aware of the bandages all over his wounded body, Lex lay back down on what he realized was the Kents' living room couch and his head began to spin pleasantly. He wasn't sure of the brand or the dosage, but there was definitely some kind of narcotic floating around in his system. He closed his eyes as Clark caressed his face.

"Clark, I was stabbed," he said dreamily.

"Yes, you were," Clark countered, never missing a beat.

"So where's the hospital?"

"We just got back. The wound wasn't too serious and your arm wasn't broken, so they kept you overnight and let you come home with us."

"Us?"

Lex heard movement as Jonathan and Martha entered the room. "Welcome back, Lex," Martha said softly, kneeling next to the couch.

Lex opened his eyes. "You all weren't in the hospital this whole time, were you?"

"I could think of worse ways to spend Christmas," Jonathan chuckled. "Besides, it was important to Clark. It was important to all of us."

Lex shared eye contact with the eldest Kent, who he knew was responsible for saving his life, and felt a certain understanding. He knew that Jonathan was only being this kind because Lex was injured, and because Clark was present. But he could also feel another side. Jonathan was finally letting his walls down, testing the waters so to speak. Lex vowed to himself that he wouldn't fail that test.

Martha stood up. "Who's ready for presents?" She went to the tree and started to hand out the untouched gifts.

"Do you think you can sit up again?" Lex nodded and Clark gently cradled his neck, helping him into a sitting position. Once there, Clark scooted in close enough that Lex was halfway in his lap, with his head resting against Clark's shoulder. Lex looked at Clark's parents, slightly alarmed, but neither of them seemed to notice.

The Kents proceeded to open their gifts. They didn't have anything for Lex, but they included him in all of their conversations and jokes, making him feel like he was part of the family. And Martha fed him so much of her homemade fudge and eggnog he thought he would burst.

After a short time the unwrapping was finished. Jonathan and Martha got up to clean the mess of colored paper all over the floor, and Clark stayed at Lex's side, kissing his cheek and running a finger over his thigh. They were both working on their third cup of eggnog.

"This has been the best Christmas ever," Lex sighed.

Clark pulled a Santa hat from the couch next to him and put it on. "I hope you got everything you wanted," he bellowed in a deep jolly voice.

"I could do with one thing more."

"What's that?" Clark asked raising his eyebrows. 

Lex pointed to the ceiling. Clark looked up and saw a sprig of mistletoe. "Well, I'll be damned," he laughed. "And I was even the one who put that there."

"I hope it was me you were planning to share this couch with," Lex shot back teasingly.

"The couch, the coffee table, the floor. I wasn't thinking about where we landed so much as what we'd do when we got there."

Lex's eyes widened, and before he had a chance to say something truly tasteless, he kissed Clark firmly on the lips. Clark cupped his face, deepening the kiss and Lex could have sworn he heard the little bells on Clark's Santa hat start to jingle. They flinched at a flash of white light coming from across the room and they both turned to see what it was. There was Martha, standing in the doorway to the kitchen. With a camera.

"I'm sorry," she giggled as her face turned red. "It was just so... I mean with the hat and everything... I'll just be going now." She returned quickly to the kitchen leaving Clark and Lex to their shocked laughter. Then Lex's eyes lit up.

"Clark! Now we have something to put in the frame!"

"The frame?" Clark repeated.

"Yeah, the one you gave to me. I must've dropped it back at the mansion. You know, after it saved my life. But don't you think the picture your mom just took would be perfect?"

Clark crinkled his eyebrows. "Uh, Lex? I didn't give you a frame."

"Of course you did. It was all part of your mission, the little Operation: Ho-Bag or whatever."

"Humbug, Lex."

"That's what I said. It was a green frame with little Christmas decorations painted all over it." Clark didn't show any signs of recognition. "Come on! Are you seriously telling me that you aren't my Secret Santa?" Lex flipped the tip of Clark's hat for emphasis. Clark started to laugh, finally catching on.

"Oh! Secret Santa, that's right! I remember now." 

Lex shoved Clark playfully. "You jerk. Thank you, by the way. It was a lovely gift."

"Yeah, it was," Clark beamed. "It was Cindy."

Lex choked on his nog. "Say that again?"

Clark started to laugh harder, clearly enjoying the shock on Lex's face. "Yep. The frame, the painting, the Secret Santa. It was all Cindy. I just helped."

"Cindy from the party? I didn't even know her until that day!"

"Nah, but she knew you. Her class went on a fieldtrip to the crap factory and you held the door for her. You've been her hero ever since. I guess now she's your hero too."

Lex sat with his jaw hanging open for near a full minute as Clark's laughter became brighter and more hysterical. "You've got to be shitting me," were the only words he could manage.

"Nope." Clark finally started to calm down and wiped the tears from his face. "I told her I'd help her if she promised that once Christmas was over, I could have you back."

Lex looked at Clark wryly and shoved him again. "You did not tell her that."

"No, I didn't." Clark leaned over and kissed Lex on the cheek. When he spoke again his voice was quiet and serious. "But I do have a gift for you. I'm sorry I didn't have time to wrap it, but things got... kind of scary there for a minute." Clark's lower lip started to tremble and Lex took it into his mouth, sucking on it gently to comfort him.

"Yeah, they did," Lex said as he pulled back. "But it's over. Everything is going to be okay now, just like you said."

Clark nodded. Then he looked probingly into Lex's eyes and took a deep breath. With a shaking hand he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a small picture taken with a Polaroid. "Merry Christmas, Lex," he whispered.

Lex took the picture and studied it, trying to decipher the shadowed image. He couldn't be sure, but it looked almost like some sort of craft. A tiny spaceship. 

"Clark, what is this?"

Clark swallowed and attempted to smile through the tears welling up in his eyes. "The truth." Before he could say more, Lex took him into another thorough kiss.

"I love you, Clark."

Clark smiled and pulled Lex into a tight hug. Lex played with the hair at the base of Clark's neck as Clark rubbed up and down his back. Although it nearly caused him physical pain to do so, Lex pulled away one last time.

"Clark? There's something I need you to do for me."

"Anything." The love in Clark's eyes was overwhelming.

"Take me upstairs," Lex finished quietly.

Clark gave Lex the most brilliant smile he'd seen since the very beginning of their friendship. And for Clark, that was saying something. He rose from Lex's side and effortlessly picked him up, cradling him and taking an exhilarated breath as Lex kissed his neck.

They started up the stairs, Clark taking infinite care not to bump Lex's toes against the railing. At the end of the upstairs hallway, they entered the bedroom and Clark closed the door behind him with his foot. He then placed Lex on his bed and lay down ever so gently on top of him.

He leaned in to kiss Lex, but stopped when he heard the jingling of the Santa hat. Laughing quietly, he reached up to take it off.

"Clark?" 

"Hmm?"

Lex blushed. "Leave it on."

Clark grinned devilishly as he leaned in for his kiss.

****

THE END


End file.
